Nothing Left To Lose
by C.C.Howell
Summary: Kurai Akira is a prodigy of war. A killing machine who wants nothing more than to be left alone. On the run from the Hidden Mist, she unwillingly encounters Orochimaru, who tries to seduce her over to his side. But after meeting some of Naruto's friends, Kurai begins to question her choices. An epic adventure featuring my OC.
1. Chapter 1

Kurai ran. She ran until her knees felt like jelly and every breath she took was a lungful of fire. Every step felt as though it should have been her last, but she didn't stop. She pushed on.

Her pursuers were lost behind her, that much she was certain of. But she even as her legs gave way and she slumped to all fours, she crawled on – every inch away from _them_ counted.

Shinobi from the Hidden Mist had been hunting Kurai for days now. A rumour had spread that she was in one of the surrounding mountains – living peacefully away from conflict after devoting the better years of her childhood to war – and now the hunt was on. It wouldn't be long before the other villages found out that the long lost prodigy of war was alive and kicking. And yes, she was a prodigy. A killing machine with one flaw – she was not heartless. Sure, killing was easy, but the faces of the dead don't let you sleep easy. At least not for Kurai.

" _Dammit,"_ she thought. _"Why won't they just leave me alone? I've done enough. I've given enough of myself to them. What more can they take from me?"_

Exhausted and nauseous from running for hours, Kurai rested her back against a tree and closed her eyes. _"Just a few minutes, then I'll be off again..."_

~ Five hours later ~

Kurai's POV

I opened my eyes and panic flooded into me. It was dark. How long had I been asleep for? _"Shit!"_ I immediately jumped to my feet and continued running, trying to ignore the deep aches in my leg muscles and the hole in my stomach. I hadn't eaten in over twenty hours. But food will have to wait.

Confirmingmy suspicions, a kunai knife flung past my left ear and embedded itself into the tree in front of me. It was so dark I almost didn't see the explosive tag attached to it, and the subsequent explosion lit up the forest like a bonfire in the night. I jumped behind another tree – shielding me from the blast.

"We know you're there!" a voice called. The Hidden Mist. I was sure of it. "If you surrender, we promise to not hurt you. All you have to do is come back with us to the village. Let the elders decide your fate. Don't be stupid."

Me? Stupid? I'm frigging Kurai Akira. The Black Death. The Soul Counter. The One Who Didn't Die. And they want me to surrender? Never.

And they didn't deserve that in words either. I pulled a shuriken from my pouch, loaded it with chakra and sent it flying. It passed through the heads of two of my pursuers before missing the third and landing in a tree. There was a collective gasp from the remaining shinobi that I revelled in, before I drew my two short katanas and laced their edges with more chakra.

" _Time for you all to die..."_

But despite my immense skill in battle, my years of experience, my fast mind and keen intellect, there are times when I can be undeniably stupid. Small lapses in judgement that I'm pretty sure no ordinary shinobi would have made, and that could easily have cost me my Life.

Eight days on the run and twenty hours without food had depleted almost all of my chakra. My katanas ceased glowing. My arms fell limp. My knees gave way once more. _"Shit."_ My consciousness slipped away. The last thing I remember was a man … with a purple ribbon tied behind his back. _"How odd..."_


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note:_ I realise that there were one or two "slips of the keyboard" in Chapter 1. My apologies for those, I will thoroughly go through this one so as not to publish errors and/or misspells.

I also realise that I did not include a Disclaimer.

 _Disclaimer:_ I do not own Naruto or any of the characters, plot-lines or other Naruto-world related assets.

Kurai's POV

"Can you hear me?"

Someone was speaking to me, but I felt like I was drifting back and forth between a dream and reality. I wanted to sleep forever. I wanted to ignore the world and the voice that spoke to me. It was deep and raspy, and I could have sworn I heard a slight hiss somewhere. But it must have been my imagination.

A cold hand grasped my upper right arm and shook me, yanking me from my dream world and placing me firmly back into reality. My eyes shot open and surveyed the owner of the voice. Green clashed with slitted gold, and for a moment neither of us spoke, until the man smirked.

"I can see recognition in your eyes," he said. "Good to know I haven't been forgotten already."

As if anyone could forget this man or not know who he is. He needed no introduction. Orochimaru. The legendary Snake Sannin. I knew him, but this was the first time I'd ever met him face to face. It had certainly not been something on my to-do list.

I swallowed in an attempt to lubricate my dry and sore throat, but ended up gulping. _"Dammit, now he probably thinks I'm scared."_ Not to say I wasn't scared, just cautious is all. At least that's what I told myself.

"What happened? Where am I? The shinobi of the Hidden Mist..."

"...are all dead." Orochimaru got up, and it was then I realised I was flat on my back, in what appeared to be another part of the forest. There were flecks of blood on my shirt, but it wasn't my blood.

"You looked like you could have used a helping hand," Orochimaru continued. "I was watching you from afar, but I decided to intervene when you lost consciousness. It's a good thing I did, or you'd be dead. I hope my actions won't go unthanked..."

"Er, thank you," I muttered sheepishly. Legendary Sannin or not, manners cost nothing. "But why? Why did you save me? Do you know who I am?"

At this, Orochimaru's eyes glowed in excitement. "I've heard whispers that you were alive. Kurai Akira. The War Prodigy. I must admit that I am quite honoured to meet you in the flesh."

"Likewise."

"However," the Snake Sannin went on, "what I'd like to know is how you are still alive. Four years ago, more than a dozen eye witnesses confirmed your death. Until about a month ago, your name had not been mentioned since the Third Great Ninja War, and now terror is spreading at the mere rumours of your existence."

I sighed. These sorts of questions were bound to be asked, I might as well get this over with. "Who's saying I didn't die?" I smirked at the frown on Orochimaru's pale face. "Whatever you've heard about me is true. I died, but I came back. Don't ask me how – I don't know. I just woke up and presto, I'm alive again."

Orochimaru said nothing, obviously waiting for further elaboration on the subject, of which I could provide him with none. I truly didn't know how I was here, breathing, fighting, feeling pain once more. I wondered to myself if I even missed being alive.

At last, he spoke. "Would you like to know?"

It was my turn to frown. "Know what?"

"Everything..." he said, bringing his face closer to mine. For a moment I was lost in his eyes, paralysed. "If you come with me, I can help you find the answers that you seek. Together we can give new meaning to your Life. You will once again have a purpose, but not one controlled by any village. You will be free. Join me."

He extended his hand and I instinctively flinched, my muscles tensing up out of reflex. He didn't overlook this. "You have no reason to fear me, Kurai," he purred, the hiss long ago wiped clear from his voice. "I assure you, it would be pointless for us to fight. If at any time you wish to leave on your own, then you are free to do so."

His offer certainly intrigued me, and I certainly could use a place to stay that wasn't crawling with shinobi from the Hidden Mist or spies from other villages. Even if it was just for a while. Three weeks or so. I could get cleaned up, get strong again, rest up my aching body and get back into my training. What could go wrong?

I needed this.

"Alright," I said, taking his hand. He pulled me to my feet. "But I'm holding you to your word. If I want to leave, then there's nothing stopping me, right? This is all of my own free volition."

"Of course."

Orochimaru's hideout was two hours worth of travel from where he found me, but it was worth it. The place was secluded, secure and Hidden-Mist-proof. It was perfect. A little dark, but my eyes would adjust.

From what he told me, we were the only two inhabitants there. After the Fourth Great Ninja War – which I had only heard about – Orochimaru returned here. For a man who didn't do anything without good reason to, returning to an abandoned hideout after the end of a Ninja War could mean only one thing: he was planning something.

I hoped I wasn't part of his plans.

Despite his appearance, Orochimaru was a surprisingly good host. He gave me one of his best rooms, gave me a meal fit for a Hokage, gave me a quick tour of he hideout, then left me be. Part of me had been expecting to be strapped to a steel table and opened up to see how I tick, but I didn't even see a laboratory on my tour. If Orochimaru was planning anything, it didn't seem to involve dastardly experiments and forbidden jutsus.

 _Together we can give new meaning to your Life. You will once again have a purpose..._

Orochimaru's words played out in my head over and over again. I was a weapon of war, what other purpose could I possibly have apart from killing? _Give new meaning to your Life..._ Did that imply that my being alive right now was meaningless? The thought made my heart hurt. I didn't want a meaningless existence. I wanted a purpose. I wanted to be needed. I wanted to matter. But not for killing. No, today – right now – that stops. I will no longer be Kurai Akira of the Black Death. No longer will I deserve the title Soul Counter. No, from this moment on I will be Kurai Akira. Nothing more, nothing less. A free agent, searching for a purpose.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own Naruto.

Tsunade's POV

My head hurt. Perhaps last night's drinking games was not the wisest of ideas. But what else is a retired Hokage/advisor supposed to do with her free time? And what is that god awful noise?

There was a rapid knocking on my door. "Tsunade sama!"

"Come in," I groaned, keeping my eyes shut and not moving my head. The light hurt my eyes.

Sakura entered and stood in front of my desk. I opened one eye just enough to see that she wore a worried expression and carried a scroll, which she presented to me – about an inch from my face. She was breathing heavily and her chakra was frantic, a clear sign of anxiety. I sighed. "What is this?"

"An urgent message from the Hidden Mist," Sakura said. "That's all I know."

My hangover could wait. I broke the seal and opened it. My eyes widened at what I read, letting all the light in. I ignored my throbbing head and stood up, slamming my hands on the desk. Sakura flinched.

"It cannot be..."

"What does it say?" Sakura asked, her eyes almost as wide as mine.

"Sakura, fetch me Kakashi immediately."

"But what does it-"

"Now, Sakura!"

"Hai!"

Moments later, Kakashi entered my office and I tossed the scroll to him. "Read it."

His lazy eyes scanned over the scroll, turning serious and hard the more he read. "Impossible," he muttered underneath his mask. "But how? I saw her die!"

I shook my head. "As did nearly a dozen other shinobi. I have no idea how she is alive, but the Hidden Mist have been pursuing her for more than a week now. They've requested our aid in bringing her in for questioning."

Kakashi's visible eye met mine. "What will you do?"

I was silent for a moment, thinking carefully. "She hasn't killed yet. But she will. I'm sure of it. We have to bring her in, but I don't want to help the Hidden Mist do it. We must bring her in for ourselves before they get their hands on her. Alliance or not, their methods of intelligence extraction are cruel. This situation calls for a more delicate handling. One that I will personally supervise."

"Is this a team mission or do you want me to go in alone?" Kakashi asked.

"You and I will handle this."

"If I may," Kakashi said quietly, "does your reason for personal involvement have anything to do with your previous affiliation with Kurai?"

"No," I lied. "But because she and I were close once, I think I am the most qualified to deal with her."

Kakashi was silent. "Understood."

Once he had left to prepare for our departure, I thought carefully about what he had said. He had a point to raise the issue, but I was confident that I could handle Kurai. She and I had been friends once, long ago before she joined the wars and became what she was known as today. I once thought of her as my sister. I once was willing to die for her, and yes – when news of her death first reached me I mourned her heavily.

But now she was back, and I didn't quite know what to feel. Happy? Sad? Afraid...? I had so many questions, but they would have to wait until I found her.

How did it come to this? How could such a beautiful and loving person become so cold and famed for killing? She had been six years old when she graduated from the Academy, the same age as me. That same day she had killed six enemy shinobi on a mission, and she didn't even blink. That was probably when it all began.

Despite the Leaf's best efforts at reforming her before she became a monster, I knew the inevitable could not be avoided. Despite her smiles each day, despite her acts of kindness and her incredible restrain from killing every enemy shinobi she came into contact with, it was – after all – an act. None of it was real. Underneath that smile was a gleeful grin waiting to resurface with her next kill. She lived for it.

But that's only what I had heard. That's only what everyone said. Was it true? If so, was it still true?

" _If it is, I'll bring you down myself, Kurai,"_ I thought. _"I won't let you be a slave to yourself anymore. I'll give you peace."_


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer:_ I am not the owner or creator of Naruto. I am, however, the creator of this story and the owner of my OC, Kurai Akira.

Kurai's POV

It was my third day staying with Orochimaru, and I just didn't get it. The man was too nice, too un-creepy, too normal. My inner alarm bells were ringing – this had to be a fake persona he was wearing in order to gain my trust and not frighten me away. But he had also given me free reign to do whatever I wanted, just about. I could leave whenever I pleased, and indeed I did.

Twice already I had left on long trips alone. I scouted the surrounding forests and hills, visited a few rural villages and indulged in the cultural variety of foods and bathing houses. I even helped a few of the villagers with errands, like delivering letters and acting as security in the local pub. Fun and menial tasks that I could do with my eyes closed. But it was a healthy break from routine.

It felt odd, doing nothing. I'm not used to this. I'm used to panic and chaos, the screams of war and the sight of slaughtered men and women on the battlefield. Just thinking about it elicits a shudder of excitement through me, one that I ignore with disgust.

"I'm not a monster, I'm not a monster. I'm a good person. Yes, I'm a good person."

I'd whisper this to myself every time that shudder of excitement found me, and it worked. That and deep slow breaths. During one of these calming exercises I was so intensely focused on breathing and chanting my 'good person' speech that I didn't notice Orochimaru studying me with those caluclating golden eyes.

"Does it work?" he said.

I whipped around and tossed a kunai straight for his head, before remembering that I was a guest in his home. "Shit!"

He caught it effortlessly between two fingers and smiled. "Nice reflexes."

"I could say the same about you."

He smirked and handed me back my kunai before continuing down the dark passageways lit up only by tiny candles on the walls. "So," he said, "does it work?"

"Does what work?"

"Your routine for making yourself believe you're a good person. It's not the first time I've seen you do it."

"Oh. That." Inwardly I cried. I must have looked like a complete lunatic. "It helps."

"But you don't truly believe it." It wasn't a question.

"I believe I want to believe it, but until I know for sure, it helps."

"I would suggest intensive training, but I sense you're afraid you'll lose control of yourself if you exert your skills or activate your Kekkei Genkei. Am I wrong?"

He was spot on. "No."

We came to the training room, a massive well-lit chamber of solid stone. I'd been here once before, and I knew Orochimaru came here frequently, but it's different training with someone else compared to training alone.

He turned to me. "Would you care to try?"

Would I care to spar with the Legendary Snake Sannin? Hell yeah. I grinned and jumped back from him, putting at least twenty feet between us. I took up a defensive stance, kunai in hand, and waited. Orochimaru smiled at my eagerness. He'd gotten through to me on this one. It had been too long since I'd had a good spar, and if I lose control then I'm in the most capable willing hands I'm likely to find.

"Whenever you're ready," I taunted. I regretted it. Out of nowhere a wave of snakes came lashing towards my face, but I dodged them in the nick of time and sped towards Orochimaru. We fought close combat for about five minutes before I landed a blow on him, and I swear I felt a rib crack. He didn't even wince and returned the favour with a harsh kick to my side which I only half deflected.

"Activate your Kekkei Genkei," he said, "or you're going to lose. I'm not holding back."

I, on the other hand, _was_ holding back. The more I fought him the more I could feel that excitement rising up inside of me, like an inner beast waiting to be unleashed. _"No,"_ I thought. _"I am in control. I make the rules!"_

I put another ten feet between us and activated my Kekkei Genkei. A wave of golden chakra flooded out from me, but instead of feeling tired or weak, I felt as though I had unlimited power. The chakra wrapped around me, forming a suit of armour much like a smaller more potent form of Susano'o.

I could see Orochimaru's eyes widen at the marvellous sight. I pulled out my two katanas and my chakra instantly wrapped around the blades. There was nothing these two beauties couldn't cut through. It was the ultimate offensive manoeuvre, and my armour was the ultimate defense. Together, the two elements made me unstoppable. I was yet to be defeated in this form.

I didn't hesitate. In this form my speed and strength was increased tenfold and I could see multiple openings in my opponent. I leapt towards him and twisted my body around, spiralling my two blades in the air towards him. I could see him desperately trying to form a defensive counter-attack, but nothing could block this attack. That's why they called me the Soul Counter. There was no escape from me, and once your number was up and I decided to kill you, there was nothing you could do.

Orochimaru's POV

I blinked just for a second, but when I opened my eyes I could feel the razor edges of two katanas on my neck. Kurai beat me. But that was to be expected.

Her Kekkei Genkei was the unlimited production of chakra, which she could bend to her will and control with frightening precision and ease. She was truly beautiful in this form. Completely free and uninhibited. There was absolutely nothing wrong with her. She was perfect. But her eyes... there was a darkness in them, threatening to take over. The blades pressed harder against my neck and Kurai began to tremble. She was losing it.

"Kurai, enough," I said, injecting as much authority into those two words as I could. My voice registered in her mind and she locked eyes with me. I had never seen such fierce eyes. "Kurai, enough!"

The darkness seeped away and her Kekkei Genkei deactivated. She removed the two blades from my neck and immediately began taking deep even breaths. I smiled.

"Well done. Now let's try that again."


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own Naruto.

Tsunade's POV

"Anything?"

Kakashi shook his head. "No. None of the villagers have seen her."

I huffed out an irritated breath. "Maybe the next village will have something. Kakashi, send out your ninja dogs ahead of us. They'll pick up any scents faster than we'll find any leads."

"Hai."

We travelled to the next village, a rural town with very few children and a total of three stores, including the pub. By the time we got there, Kakashi's ninja dogs had scouted half the area and brought back news.

"Oi, Kakashi!" Pakkun called. "She was here. And recently too. Even the locals know of her, you can ask any of them."

I paled considerably when I heard that. "How many has she killed?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

"None," Pakkun answered. "From what they tell me, Kurai has been a big help around here. She doesn't come often though, only once or twice a week."

No deaths. No killing. I should have been relieved but the idea of Kurai not taking lives was hard to digest. The knowledge that she was the same old same old would have been easier to deal with. But now there was another element to this mission that I had to consider: the possibility that Kurai had gained control of her Kekkei Genkei. The chance that she had come back to Life a different person...

"Tsunade sama?" Kakashi was looking at me intently. He'd been watching me closely for any signs of weakness or hesitation. This was one of my oldest friends we were hunting, after all. I didn't like it any more than he did. But it had to be done.

"I'm fine," I said.

After talking with the locals I began to form a new picture in my mind about Kurai. At first it was difficult imagining her helping old Mrs. Takada carry her buckets of water from the stream, or delivering letters for Mr. Kidesuka. But the more the locals told me about her – completely unaware of who she was – the more the spark of hope in me grew. Kurai could be saved. I believed it now.

"Kakashi, please don't view this as me losing my nerve, but I truly think she can be saved," I said. My voice didn't waver. My eyes remained strong. Kakashi knew I wasn't kidding around.

"We will try," he said carefully. "But if it comes down to it..."

"I know. I will deal with her, but only if there is no other way."

If anyone could save her, it's me. But meeting her face to face again could cause old emotions to rise to the surface and trigger an unwanted release of her Kekkei Genkei. Sometimes it had a mind of its own and completely took control of her. It was often the case that the more powerful the Kekkei Genkei, the more difficult it was to control. Kurai was the worst example of that.

It didn't take long for Pakkun to find a trail leading away from the village, and we took it. It lead us deep into the surrounding forest, and we followed it for a good three hours before coming across familiar territory. I could almost feel the threatening aura that surrounded us.

"Wait!" I said, halting on a branch. "I know this place..."

Kakashi unveiled his Sharingan and surveyed the area before confirming my suspicions and pointing ahead of us. There it was – the entrance to an abandoned hideout of Orochimaru's. "She's in there," I said. "I know it."

And if she was in there, then so was Orochimaru. It was ironic that two people previously believed dead would find each other and team up. But that was just conjecture. Kurai could have stumbled across this place accidentally and killed Orochimaru for it. Or it could have been self-defence. There was no way to know for certain, and it was unfair to make judgements against Kurai based solely on conjecture.

"We should set a trap. Take her by surprise," Kakashi said. Pakkun agreed.

"No, she won't fall for any trap of ours. Her reflexes are too good, and she's smart."

"Then what do you suggest?"

I sighed, closing my eyes for a minute. There was only one thing to do in this situation. "I will go in alone."

"No! You can't take them both on!"

"I won't have to. I'll keep near the entrance. If anything goes awry I'll flee and we'll deal with them outside the hideout. It's a maze of tunnels and chambers in there. Not ideal to fight in, but I'm hoping it won't come to that. I'm just going to talk to her."

"You're taking a risky gamble here, and we both know you suck at gambling," Kakashi said with dismay. "You don't have to assume full responsibility for Kurai."

"Yes, I do. I'll meet you outside."

I leapt down from the tree and landed in front of the hideout before he could protest any further. Kurai would at least hear me out. She was that kind of person. Brutal, but fair. I also needed to see with my own eyes if what the locals said was true, that a beautiful shinobi with hair the colour of blood was protecting and aiding their village. That was most certainly not the kind of person Kurai was, but I desperately hoped to be proven wrong.

Entering the hideout, I was pleasantly surprised to find the tunnels dry and decently lit. They were bigger than I'd imagined, but I hoped I wouldn't have to rely on their size if a fight broke out. Accidentally hitting the wrong wall could cause the entire hideout to collapse, and that would be bad news if I'm stuck right in the middle of it.

" _Stop it. No-one's fighting anybody. This can be settled diplomatically."_

I could sense Kurai's immense chakra, and I followed it deeper into the hideout. I went further, concealing my presence with an invisibility jutsu – just in case – until I came across a massive stone chamber. There were two shinobi fighting, and I recognised them instantly. Orochimaru and Kurai. But Kurai looked different. She wasn't covered in blood. There was no malice in her eyes. She was smiling – really smiling. Not that evil grin she usually wore.

I quickly snapped out of my daze. Neither of them had noticed me yet, and I was just about to release my invisibility jutsu when Kurai did the last thing I expected her to do. She activated her Kekkei Genkei, and my blood went cold. I half expected Orochimaru to jump back or attempt to put her down before she finished, but his grin only grew wider and he bared his fangs at Kurai in what seemed to be a playful tease.

" _What on earth is going on here?"_

Controlled and sane, Kurai's Kekkei Genkei form was spectacular. She looked … majestic. She looked unlike anything I had ever seen before.

Kurai's POV

This man fully deserved the title Legendary Snake Sannin. He, and he alone, had achieved the impossible: getting me to control my Kekkei Genkei. I no longer felt the darkness threatening to take over. I no longer feared activating full power. I no longer feared losing control and taking Orochimaru's life by accident. It was the ninth day of our training, and the thirty-third time he had forced me to activate my Kekkei Genkei. The chakra armour even felt a little bit different now. More refined. More comfortable. It was difficult to describe, but I felt more complete wearing it. I'd even discovered some new fighting moves whilst sparring with Orochimaru.

Something moved in the corner of my eye. Something white – no, pale blonde... I deactivated my Kekkei Genkei and turned to the source of the movement.

"I can see you!" I yelled, startling the intruder. "Your jutsu won't hide you from my eyes. Come out and show yourself!"

For a moment I saw Orochimaru frown before he, too, looked to the entrance of the training room. The intruder released their jutsu and stepped into the light. I felt my heart jolt painfully when I saw who it was.

"Hello Kurai," Tsunade said. "It's been too long."


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's Note:_ Please R&R :) It gives me great encouragement as a writer to be aware of my audience's opinions. If you have an idea or recommendation for something you'd love to see happen in my story, then please – suggest away. I am also good at handling criticism, but try to make it positive so I can use it.

 _Disclaimer:_ I do not own Naruto.

Kurai's POV

She was there. She was really standing there, staring at me and smiling that same smile from so many years ago. Tsunade. My oldest friend. My other half. I couldn't believe it.

"I underestimated your bravery, Tsunade," Orochimaru said, sending the Slug Princess a foul look. I glowered at him. "I never imagined you'd put yourself in the same room as me and Kurai."

"If you touch her, I'll kill you," I said, fixing Orochimaru with a fiery gaze that made him take a step away from me. It was a warning, but I meant every word. I was extremely grateful to Orochimaru for taking me in without complaint and helping me to master control of my Kekkei Genkei, but if he raised so much as a finger against Tsunade, he was toast, and he knew it.

"Now, now, whoever said anything about laying a hand on her? It appears to me she's here to talk. So," he turned to Tsunade, "what is it you have to say?"

Tsunade seemed so shocked from my warning to Orochimaru that she hardly heard the Snake Sannin. But why was she so surprised? Of course I would kill for her. I was mildly hurt that she would think otherwise.

"I've come to talk to Kurai," she said, and I immediately began approaching her as if to embrace her like old times. She backed away, then quickly apologised. "I'm sorry, Kurai. But I've- I- What I mean to say is-"

"-she no longer trusts you," Orochimaru finished for her, smirking. I didn't find it funny.

"What is he saying, Tsunade?" I asked. "You don't trust me?"

"No! I mean, yes! I mean, I do trust you, Kurai. It's just- I thought you were dead! I believed it for more than four years, and now you just show up... I had to see for myself."

"Oh. You came here to verify that the rumours were true, not to see an old friend back from the dead," I stated. "I understand."

There were emotions rushing through me that I would have given my left hand not to feel. All I ever wanted was to be left alone, and Tsunade was the one person who made me feel otherwise. When she and I became friends, all I ever wanted was to spend time with her. The best days of my Life were spent taking missions with her. We were inseparable. And now that we were reunited – two lost sisters in arms – the feelings bubbling in my heart left much to be desired.

"Kurai, I came here to see if you were still a threat to the shinobi world," Tsunade said, her gaze serious. I should have expected that. Perhaps it was I who grew soft over the years, not her.

"I don't blame you for it," I said. "But I can finally do it, Tsunade! I can control my Kekkei Genkei. You saw for yourself just now, didn't you? There's nothing to fear anymore!"

"The village of the Hidden Leaf will need more than my word to believe that, Kurai. I'm sorry, but in order to convince them you're going to have to come back with me and submit yourself for questioning and examinations."

"What she means," Orochimaru interrupted, "is you should surrender."

I was quickly growing annoyed at Orochimaru's attempts to turn me against my old friend – and his former team mate – but what he said held some truth. But I couldn't see another way.

"If I agree to go back with you, then once the tests are completed and the shinobi of the Hidden Leaf are convinced, I'm free to go?"

Tsunade nodded. "Provided there are no pending complications or security risks."

I ignored that part. "And if I agree to go, then Orochimaru will be left out of it?"

"Why are you protecting him?" Tsunade spat angrily, glaring at Orochimaru who only smirked at her. "Do you know what kind of man he is? Do you know of the treacherous acts he has committed? The lives he's taken? The vile and forbidden experiments he's performed?"

"Do you know of mine?" I countered quietly, not meeting my friend's eyes. "The lives I've taken? The wars waged over me? Of course you do. You were there to witness all of it, and I'm sorry to have put you through that. But I'm different now. Why can't the past be left in the past? Why can't we move on? Why can't I be forgiven? I can make up for all the wrong I've done. I can be better! If you'll just let me try..."

I could see unshed tears in Tsunade's eyes. They mirrored my own. Out of the corner of my eye I saw surprise on Orochimaru's pale face. He seemed shocked that I would try to protect him, but the way I saw it I owed him. He saved my Life, taught me how to control my powers and helped me on the path to discovering my purpose again. And now that Tsunade was here, I saw a glimpse of that purpose. It would begin in the Hidden Leaf.

~ Twenty minutes later ~

"Are you sure about this?" Orochimaru asked. I nodded. "Take this," he said, handing me a small scroll. "If anything happens, open this and activate the seal. I'll come get you."

I was touched, and accepted the scroll. "Thank you." Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around the taller Ninja and squeezed him gently in a friendly hug. It took him a moment to acknowledged what was happening before he returned the gesture. I imagined the look of shock that would be on Tsunade's face if she were here to see this. She was currently waiting outside with Hatake Kakashi and a host of Ninja dogs that would escort me back to the Hidden Leaf. I was nervous, but excited at the same time. And if anything went badly or turned sour then I knew I could count on Orochimaru.

As I left the hideout, I met with Kakashi, who I knew only by reputation. He seemed nice enough, and highly capable as a Ninja, which is probably why Tsunade had brought him along. The same kind of security that Orochimaru was to me, should things turn sour. But they weren't going to. I had a good feeling about this, and as we set off for the Hidden Leaf, I couldn't help but see my Life in a new light. This would be the beginning of a new beginning. A fresh start. The way forward. A better Life.

At least once every five minutes Tsunade would ask me "How are you feeling?" I told her the truth every time. Happy. Elated. Frisky. And at first she registered those responses as possible triggers for my Kekkei Genkei, but I reminded her at least a dozen times that I was fully I control. Nothing bad was going to happen. And, eventually, she believed me and relaxed somewhat. Soon we were talking non-stop about our lives and catching up on every bit of news that we'd missed. She filled me in on the outcome of the Fourth Great Ninja War and we exchanged stories of each others lives, the good and the bad.

She made me laugh, which I hadn't been able to do for a long time. I missed it.

"We're approaching the Hidden Leaf," Kakashi said, and I could see the village up ahead. I had a feeling it hadn't changed at all, but I was still eager to see it. If everything went according to plan, I would one day be able to call it home again. Imagine that... Kurai Akira of the Hidden Leaf. It still had a nice ring to it...


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's Note:_ Thank you to Amyb11 for reviewing! :) Loves and kisses are being sent your way.

 _Disclaimer:_ I do not own Naruto.

Kakashi's POV

I was ordered to wait outside the Hokage's office with Kurai. I didn't see the point. We could both hear the yelling and raised voices coming from inside. It would have been more appropriate to make us wait on the other side of the village. Kurai was nervous. Tsunade, Naruto and the Elders were discussing what to do with her. Every time someone shouted or mentioned her name she would flinch and try to melt into the wall. I felt bad for her.

"Don't worry, Kurai," I said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "They're just following protocol. Besides, no matter what the outcome, I don't think Tsunade will allow anything bad to happen to you. And neither will I."

She didn't say anything, but fixed me with a concerned look that said it all. She wasn't worried about what they would do to her, but what she might do to them. "As long as you remain in control, everything will be fine."

I said it, but did I mean it? Somewhere in the back of my mind I couldn't help but worry with her. Tsunade had explained everything she knew about Kurai and her Kekkei Genkei. When the true power that rested in the woman beside me finally registered, I could not believe it. No, I didn't _want_ to believe it. What was even more terrifying was the vast, untapped pool of potential within her that had yet to be realised. Perhaps that was why Orochimaru seemed so taken with her.

At last, Tsunade emerged from the office, wiping her brow and sighing heavily. "We've reached a decision," she said wearily, looking at Kurai. "You will be placed under strict supervision and guarded at all times for a period of thirty days. During that time you will submit yourself to questioning and training exercises to determine the extent of your control and whether or not you are a threat."

"I'm not a threat!" Kurai declared. I smiled beneath my mask.

"I know, but if you unwillingly lose control of your Kekkei Genkei – despite your best efforts and good intentions – the village may deem you a threat to their security and safety and take you down. But if they come to see you as one of their own, a former Leaf shinobi, they will do everything in their power to save you."

"I understand..."

"That is why it is of the utmost importance that you gain their trust and never give them any reason to doubt you. Kakashi," Tsunade turned her gaze to me, "you are never to leave Kurai's side. Kurai will stay with you, and ANBU will be posted outside your apartment at all times. Do you accept this mission?"

"Hai."

Kurai's POV

Wait, what? I'm supposed to stay with Kakashi? Surely there's a rule against that or something? Not that I didn't trust the guy to keep his hands to himself, but geez... 24/7 supervision was a bit overkill. And where would I sleep? I seriously doubted a bachelor like himself kept a spare bed for the unlikely event he had a guest over.

" _That's the least of your problems,"_ I thought. _"Focus on being a prime example of a trustworthy and capable Leaf shinobi!"_

"Kurai," Tsunade said, "your first questioning will be tomorrow, with Ino Yamanaka. She will use her Clan's interrogation technique to enter your mind and see the truth. I assure you it is a painless procedure and you need only remain calm and willing to cooperate."

"Of course."

"Until then, Kakashi will show you around. If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to ask him. He's at your complete disposal."

Kakashi showed me around the village, and I was correct – nothing had really changed. There were a few new buildings, but my favourite ramen shop was still there, and the book store I always used to visit twice a week. Passing by a dumpling stand, my mouth watered. Dumplings... I loved those things. But I didn't have a cent to my name, and I was way too shy to ask Kakashi if he'd buy some for me. It wasn't something I _needed_ , just something I _wanted_ , and I wouldn't be surprised if the village took no heed to my petty desires. I was an outsider to them. Somebody they'd know only from ancient records that hadn't been dusted off in years. Suffice it to say I did not feel welcome.

When the sun began to set, Kakashi led me to his apartment building. We climbed all the way to the forth floor and he opened the door and gestured for me to go in first. I must admit, I had been expecting something more … roomier? Hatake Kakashi was something of a legendary Jounin, yet he stayed in small, medium-class (albeit very neat) apartment.

"Er, if I may, what do you have in mind as far as sleeping arrangements go?" I asked him, eyeing the single bed uncertainly.

"There's a couch in the other room. I'll take that and you can have my bed. There are extra blankets in the bottom drawer if you want them." He pointed to a chest of drawers. "I'll get to work on dinner preparations. I'm afraid I'm not much of a cook, but it'll be hot and edible. That much I can promise."

"Arigato gozaimasu."

He left, closing the door behind him. I could hear some clanking in the kitchenette, and running water. I smiled. What a gent. Nobody has ever cooked for me before, let alone a man. And giving up his bed just for me? I know it's because he was ordered to and this was all part of his mission, but he did it in such a way that made me think he actually cared. I felt … special.

I didn't have much to choose from as far as clothes went, but Tsunade had lent me some of hers. The pants fit me well – the shoes, too - but the tops were way too big, and I felt extra small in them. I used to envy Tsunade. She was always the most popular in our class, and the prettiest. Plus her hair wasn't the colour of blood, and her eyes were a sharp but warm brown, not deadly green like mine. Overall, she was normal, but extraordinary at the same time, and I think some part of me still envies her for that.

Kakashi's cooking wasn't all that bad, and I actually found myself wanting more. I helped him clean up then we hit the sack. Well, I hit the sack, and a very comfortable sack it was. Kakashi's bed was _amazing._ I tried not to picture his tall frame draped over the double couch in the other room. Poor guy. Too kind. I would have happily taken the couch if he had asked me to.

I closed my eyes and waited. Soon it would come; the dreams. No, the nightmares. Just like every other night. I'd long since given up fighting them. The more I tried to ignore or escape them, the more vivid they'd become, as if they were determined to make me relive the hell I thought I'd escaped.

Sleep found me, and as soon as I drifted off, I regretted it.


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's Note:_ Don't forget to R&R :) And if you do, I'll give you one hundred virtual chocolate chip cookies!

 _Disclaimer:_ I do not own Naruto.

" _Kurai! Dinner's ready!"_

 _I ran inside to the smell of freshly steamed rice and vegetables with grilled pork strips – my favourite. My mother was a beautiful woman, and the kindest I had ever known. My father was what many would call a fool, who did silly things to make me laugh. But once you got to know him, you'd discover that he was extremely intelligent and brave. A worthy shinobi in my eyes. All I ever wanted was to be as kind as mother, and as strong and able as father._

 _After dinner my mother washed me and tucked me in. I was five years old, but I had a feeling she would still tuck me in even if I was fifty. "Goodnight, my sweet little Kurai," she said. "Pleasant dreams."_

 _I smiled and closed my eyes, preparing for a good night's sleep. Little did I know it would be the last good night's sleep I would ever have._

 _I woke up somewhere in the early hours of the morning. It was still dark outside, and cold too. So cold... I felt like all the world had been frozen over in the night. I couldn't explain it, but I was worried. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. I flipped off my covers and became aware of the golden glow around my hands and feet and body. At first I was startled. What was this? It looked like fire but it wasn't warm. It was freezing cold. What was happening to me?_

 _Despite how it felt, the more I looked at it, the more beautiful it seemed to me. I quickly stood up and looked at my reflection in the mirror on my wall. Wow... Who was this person looking back at me? When did my blood-red hair seem so fiery and strong? When did my dull skin glow with such passion? When did my small hands seem so capable? My entire body was immersed in the golden glow, and suddenly I was excited – and all thought of worrying left me._

 _I raced downstairs to show my parents. At the bottom step I slipped on something and came tumbling to a painful stop. What had I stepped in? Did someone spill water on the steps last night? I reached up for the light switch and flipped it on. When I saw it, my hands shook. My blood ran cold – colder than it already was. So cold it hurt._

 _Blood. Blood everywhere. Trailing down the steps and into my parents' room. For a moment I couldn't breath. I couldn't move. A scream threatened to work its way up my throat, but couldn't get out. Tears welled in my green eyes, and I forced my legs to move closer to my parents' room. It took me ages to get there, it seemed, and even longer to wrap my trembling fingers over the handle and turn it. I was grateful no light shone into the room, for I feared with every cell in my body what I would see._

" _Mother? Father?" The words clawed their way out my strangled throat, and when there was no answer, I tentatively felt for the light switch. Weak light flooded the bedroom, illuminating the mangled and shredded bodies of the two people I held most dear to me. The bed sheets were soaked in their blood and clung to their bodies. My father was half on the floor, half on the bed, reaching towards my mother. The trail of blood from the stairs was his._

 _Looking at them, my grief was quickly replaced with rage and I ran around the house looking for an intruder. Who had done this? Who was responsible? Where were they? I didn't know what I would do if I found them, but my anger refused to let me stand there and do nothing._

 _The house was empty. I felt empty. I caught my reflection in the hallway mirror, but I didn't recognise the stranger looking back at me. Who was that? Was that me? The golden glow that surrounded the girl appeared hostile – vibrating with malicious intent. That couldn't be me... I would never do something like this!_

" _Oh but you did," a voice whispered in my head. My eyes widened in fear. "You did this."_

Kurai's POV

I woke up trembling, as I did every night. Only recently had I learned how to control my Kekkei Genkei even whilst I was asleep. I could never stop the tremors, but I could stop anything bad from happening. Orochimaru had taught me that. He'd even slept in the same room to keep an eye on me. And every time I started losing control he'd wake me up and help me get it together. After a week of it, I was able to get it together by myself, without even waking up. Orochimaru was pleased; he could finally sleep in his own room again.

The sun was up, and so was I. Kakashi was already making breakfast – which I was exceedingly grateful for because I didn't have a clue how to cook – and it wasn't long before we were on our way to the Hokage's office. Today was my first interrogation with Ino Yamanaka. To say I was nervous would be the understatement of the century. I was freaking out, and Kakashi could tell.

"Relax, Kurai," he said, his one visible eye glued to me. I imagined the small army of ANBU shinobi that were following us had also picked up on my nervous state.

"I'm trying, but it's not as easy as you think," I replied. His gaze turned worried, but I reassured him. "I'm in control, I promise. But I'm about to have my mind invaded by someone I don't know and it's just making me really anxious. What will she see? What if there's something private that I want to keep to myself?" Like my dreams...

"Ino Yamanaka is a professional at what she does," Kakashi said. "She will give you her full discretion and keep anything private that she sees to herself. If, however, she finds something that may be classified as a threat to your control or a possible trigger of your Kekkei Genkei, then she will inform Lady Tsunade and the Hokage. You will also be informed, I assure you."

When we reached the Hokage's office, I was introduced to Ino Yamanaka, a pretty young woman with stunning blonde hair that I immediately envied. Nevertheless, she was quite sweet and seemed to know exactly what she was doing. She put me in a chair that leaned back comfortably, but when she tried to strap my arms and legs down, I protested.

"Miss Akira, I'm sorry but we have to do this," Ino said, giving Kakashi a look that said "Help me".

"Kurai, don't resist. It's just a precaution," Kakashi said, smiling at me. I wasn't comforted. "I'll be right here through the whole thing."

"If you like, I can give you a mild sedative," Ino suggested. "It won't put you out, but it will relax you. It will help with the tremors, too."

I shook my head. _"I'm not the one who's going to need it. You're the one who's taking a trip inside my head..."_

Tsunade's POV

"Miss Yamanaka! Are you alright? What happened? Did Kurai lose control?" I questioned a rather pale and stricken looking Ino, who had difficulty standing in front of me on two wobbly legs. She looked like she had just crawled out of hell itself.

"N-No, she didn't lose control," Ino replied with a shaken voice. "But I- I saw- I saw- so much pain... So much loss... So much b-blood... I- I couldn't go any further. I'm sorry, I will try again tomorrow."

"No, don't apologise. I should have forewarned you about what you might see. Kurai has had a difficult life. It's a miracle she hasn't turned against us and started a massacre. However, did you see anything that would suggest she has alternative intentions? Does she plan on turning against us? Starting a war? Losing control?"

Ino shook her head. "No, nothing like that. From what I could see, she has gained considerable control over her Kekkei Genkei. I feel safer knowing that, but to be sure I would like to exam her a few more times. Another member of my clan will also be examining her, in case I missed anything."

I dismissed Miss Yamanaka and sat back down at my desk. What a day, but Kurai had passed her first test: she had remained in complete control whilst someone meddled around in her head looking through her memories and past experiences. Between the two of them, Kurai had come out less scathed than Ino, poor girl. Perhaps it would be more prudent if Ino and her fellow Clan member took turns in examining Kurai.

The next test was in two days. Kurai will be sparring with some of our top Jounin – as well as with myself and Naruto, the Hokage. If I thought these examinations were stressful or anxiety-inducing, I couldn't even begin to think what that would be like. Extra security would have to be brought in. Safety measures would have to be implemented. A secure training area would have to be sectioned off. All these precautions just so Kurai could spar with a fellow Leaf shinobi.

" _Kurai... What the hell are you?"_


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's Note: Forgive me for my long leave of absence. Second year Law is no joke. Studies are demanding. But, fear not my fearless fans, I know you know deep down you knew I'd return!_

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I own Kurai Akira._

Kurai's POV

Sparring. I used to love it. Back in the day Tsunade and I would spar every day after Academy classes. It was our way of venting frustration, practising moves, impressing boys and generally just having fun. But this... this wasn't fun. There were precisely twelve Jounin surrounding the sparring arena – a sectioned off field that oddly reminded me of my Chunin Exams. From what I could sense about their chakra levels, these Jounin were badass. Not to be messed with.

How am I supposed to fight on equal footing with a highly skilled shinobi when these guys are watching me like hawks, ready to take me down if I so much as bat my eyelid wrong. Everyone gets hurt occasionally; that's kind of the whole point of sparring. But right now I feel like I'll be killed if I hurt my sparring partner, even accidentally.

Kakashi, ever the observant one, noticed my unease. "Kurai?" His sharingan was out, fixed on me. I could almost feel his stare.

"I'm fine." My voice was a little higher than it should have been. I cleared my throat as if it happened every day. "I'm fine," I repeated, in a stronger deeper voice. It came out too deep, and Kakashi sighed.

"It's alright to be nervous," he said. "It must be daunting being in your situation. All eyes on you, waiting for you to slip up. But don't worry, I've talked to these guys. They're only here in case you lose control, which you won't. Just precautions. You understand."

If anyone else had been speaking, I wouldn't have believed a word of it. But this guy... his cool, calm demeanor and reassuring voice started to melt the anxiety right off me. I nodded my thanks and stood up a little straighter. Tsunade approached me, halting about twenty feet away near the center of the sparring field. Kakashi gave me a friendly pat on the back and left to join his fellow Jounin.

Tsunade took a fighting stance. "Ready?"

I smirked. "Are you?"

She smiled, obviously recalling fond memories of past moments like this that we shared. It was nice to know we were thinking the same things. I thought it best to let her make the first move – extra brownie points for me if I don't look like a malicious violent attacker. She read my mind and came at me. Fast.

Without my Kekkei Genkei activated, I had to seriously concentrate to deflect her blows, which kept coming at me again and again and again. Her fighting style had evolved since I last saw her, too many years ago. She had really grown. I was proud of her, but I had to quickly bury my pride and defend myself – narrowly missing a harsh kick to the shoulder that would have hurt.

"Why aren't you fighting back?" Tsunade demanded between lethal punches. "They're not going to execute you for fighting in a fair sparring match. Attack me!"

 _Alright, but you asked for it._

I grinned and jumped back a few feet. Tsunade was in a defensive stance, waiting for me to attack. I liked the look in her eyes. I missed that look.

Still grinning, I balanced my weight on one foot and slunk my body low to the ground, stretching my limbs outward and parallel to the field. I closed my eyes, smiling inwardly as I imagined the look of utter confusion on Tsunade's face. I had been developing this technique shortly before I left the Hidden Leaf. I had never shown it to Tsunade or anyone. Not even Orochimaru knew of it.

I didn't need my eyes to know where everyone was. My sense of chakra was highly acute, and for some odd reason, fighting this style with my eyes open just never seemed to work. I stilled my breathing, calmed the beating of my heart and remained perfectly still. The silence around me was amusing, disturbed only by the occasional whisper. _"What is she doing?" "What is that pose? I've never seen it before..."_

Tsunade's patience ran dry and she charged at me. I could feel the vibrations in the earth. She was fast, but I was faster. With my eyes still closed, I sprang off the ground and simultaneously spun my body with perfect timing so that my legs hooked around Tsunade's neck and flung her down beneath me. She didn't rise, and I landed once again in the same position, limbs parallel to the ground, balancing on one foot.

"Tsunade!" one of the Jounin yelled, and he flung himself at me in a moment of panic. I felt him coming, and I gave him the same treatment. He landed not far from Tsunade and his body stilled.

"Why you...!" Another Jounin began charging at me, but Kakashi stopped him.

"Wait! They're not dead. They're just unconscious."

The Jounin blushed as he realised Kakashi was right, and I smiled. One sloppy half glance at my opponents' chakra would tell you that. Tsunade and the Jounin were completely unharmed, merely unconscious.

"But how?" Kakashi mused, and at last I released my careful pose and opened my eyes.

"By pure precision and careful calculation," I responded. "I would have thought that you, at the very least with your sharingan, would have been able to see what I did."

It was Kakashi's turn to blush, and not even his mask could hide it. "When I spun, I caught them gingerly by the neck with my feet and hit certain pressure points that caused them to lose consciousness. It's completely harmless, merely effective. I figured that since you're all on high alert I shouldn't do anything too violent, and while that may have appeared violent it was anything but."

"That's … amazing!" Kakashi said, and the other Jounin nodded their heads in agreement. I walked up to Tsunade and the Jounin and put my hands on the back of their necks, injecting a quick pulse of my chakra into them. They awoke instantly. Tsunade's look of bafflement was one I enjoyed immensely. Kakashi filled her in on what I had said while the Jounin who had attacked me stood in front of me twiddling his thumbs nervously.

"Uhm, look, about attacking you... I really wasn't supposed to. I just thought-"

I shook my head at him. "You thought I'd immediately go for the kill. It's fine. I understand. Everyone thinks that. No big deal."

This seemed to make him feel even worse but I didn't linger around to hear the rest of his apology. "So, Tsunade, did I pass?" I was eager to get out of here. I'd played fair, done as asked, and now I wanted at least twenty sweet dangos to fill me up.

She sighed, giving me a look she always used to give me when I beat her in a sparring match. "Yes, Kurai. You passed."


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's Note: Don't forget to R &R!_

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto._

Kurai's POV

Hah! I only had to spar with Tsunade and I passed. Naruto had had to leave on some urgent mission to the Village Hidden in the Sand, which is a pity because I was looking forward to sparring with him. But nevertheless, I passed. Take that you disbelieving-overly-critical Leaf shinobi! Kakashi treated me afterwards to as much sweet dango as I could eat, which was more than twenty. He seemed very pleased and impressed that I didn't rely on my Kekkei Genkei. Not to mention the fact that I very gentle with my opponents, which – as he put it – expertly highlighted my compassionate and fair qualities when fighting. Something the higher-ups would appreciate.

I must say that things are starting to look good. I've been in the Hidden Leaf for almost three weeks and people are starting to look at me differently, like I've been there for months. Like they know me, accept me and dare I say _trust_ me. It's a great feeling and all, but something about it is bugging me. These people knew me only as a murderer, a cold-blooded killer, a monster. And yet, over time they have come to welcome me into their lives and let me be a part of their community once more. Of course I'm still guarded 24/7 but that doesn't change the way they are beginning to feel about me.

I've done far worse things than Orochimaru, and yet they won't even tolerate it if he sets foot inside the village. How unfair is that? Was it not he who saved Tsunade's neck during the Fourth Great Ninja War? If anything, I think Tsunade owes him a favour. At least she could forgive the guy and keep tabs on him as his old friend and not as an enemy. What happened in the past should be left in the past. I'm a different person now than I was ten years ago, and I think the same can be said of Orochimaru. We've changed. Evolved. Adjusted to this new world where killing is no longer the answer. There's a better way. The fight best fought is the fight avoided.

It was afternoon and I was lying down in my room, soaking up the last few rays of sunshine. I wondered to myself if I could convince Tsunade and the others to let Orochimaru come back. I was hesitant to admit it, but I missed him. I owed him a lot too. It's because of him that I no longer fear myself. It's because of him that I now have control over my powers.

I reached under my bed and retrieved the scroll Orochimaru had given me. _"If anything happens, open this and activate the seal. I'll come get you."_ I know he meant "If anything bad happens, like they try to execute you for eating too much dango," but I was sorely tempted to summon him here just to see him again. I scoffed at myself. _"Like that would work,"_ I thought. The invisible barriers surrounding the village would immediately alert everyone to his presence and he'd be treated worse than me. I had no right to put him in a position like that. It would be quite effortless for me to escape my guards and go see him myself, but after three weeks of trying hard to gain the village's trust, a stunt like that would shatter it in seconds. They would never understand. They probably wouldn't even listen.

I sighed in frustration. _"I'll just have to do this the old fashioned way..."_ I got up and quickly searched for a pen and paper then began writing a letter to Orochimaru. I told him everything: how I was doing, how they were treating me, how I'd finally gained their trust and how I wanted to convince Tsunade to go easy on him and let by-gones be by-gones. Writing the last bit, I was quite sure he'd reply with a long list of all the hideous acts and crimes he's committed and a supporting list of how old-fashioned and narrow minded the higher-ups can be. If he did, then I'd respond with a list of my own that would no doubt trump his. I smiled at the thought.

Once I was finished, I bit the corner of my thumb, placed it on the ground and cast a summoning jutsu. A small falcon appeared, and I secured my rolled-up letter to the back of its legs and sent it on its way. It would make it through the invisible barrier without any problems. It was no ordinary bird, my falcon, and was born and bred with special blood that repelled barriers and other chakra-detecting jutsus.

Orochimaru's POV

The sound of beating wings approached me, and I spied Kurai's falcon flying down. It landed on my shoulder and I unclasped the small scroll that was attached. The falcon gave me a look before flying off into the tree where it watched me. The scroll read:

 _Orochimaru,_

 _It's no fun being poked and prodded and tested to your limits. I've been through eight examinations now and the village finally seems to trust me, but it's a fragile trust at best. I get the feeling they are afraid to dismiss their belief that I'm a monster at heart, incurable and untameable. I also get the feeling that even if I prove beyond all doubts that I can be trusted, they'll throw me into battle as a trump card and I'll be nothing more than a prized weapon._

 _My point is, I'm having second thoughts... I also kind of miss you, and I understand why you live the way you do. I don't think this lifestyle suits me. I've been alone for as long as I can remember, and being alone is all I know. I don't think I could get used to this again, living in a community. It's nice, but it's not for me._

 _I want to come back. If you'll have me, that is. I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life, but you promised me you'd help me find a purpose to living again, and I believe you. I'm stuck here for one more week, but after that I'm leaving and I don't think I'm coming back._

 _P.S. I'm putting in a good word for you with Tsunade and the elders. If you can help me find my future, I'll help you lose your past._

 _Kurai._

So she's having second thoughts? That's good. I was beyond worried she'd get too involved in the Hidden Leaf's affairs and feel guilty about leaving them again, but it seems I underestimated her. I also never dreamed she'd do something so selfless as try to clear my name – the thought alone makes me laugh – but if she actually succeeds, I'll be a free man, able to go where I want like any other shinobi. I doubt clearing my name will make people less afraid or less resentful of me, but it's a start. It also means I'll have to keep that new name clear, which means being the good guy again. That will be interesting...

I pulled out a piece of scroll parchment and wrote my response to Kurai.

 _Kurai,_

 _I knew from the moment I met you that you and I were kindred spirits. We walk a lonely path and live a very solitary life, but like you said, we know no other way. I look forward to your return._

 _I meant what I said when I'd help you create a new future. One that has meaning and purpose. I'm many things, but a liar isn't one of them._

 _P.S. Don't try too hard to clear my name. Don't forget that you're conspiring with a known fugitive and S-ranked criminal. The elders may take it the wrong way._

For a brief moment I thought about adding "I kind of miss you too," but when it comes to matters of the heart, I'm an amateur. I'd been thinking about it for a long time, and I finally realised that out of all the women I've known in my lifetime, I like Kurai the most. I haven't even known her for the longest compared to Tsunade and some of the others, but she tops the list. She's smart, brilliant, an excellent fighter, special, rare, unique. Everything that I admire about a woman. And beautiful, too, especially when her Kekkei Genkei is activated. My god, that puts her in a league of her own.

Feeling ashamed at my cowardice for not admitting I miss her too, I rolled up the scroll, called the falcon over, and sent it back to Kurai. One more week. I wasn't worried, if for some ridiculous reason they decide to keep her longer against her will, I'll happily burn the village to the ground in order to save her.


	11. Chapter 11

_Author's Note: Read & Review, else I don't know if I'm writing rubbish or not :P_

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto._

Kurai's POV

"Well done, Kurai. You have succeeded in acquiring not only the village's trust, but that of the elders as well. You passed every test and every examination satisfactorily, and I believe I speak for the rest when I say you are no longer classified as a threat to the Hidden Leaf Village."

Tsunade beamed at me, and behind her the elders nodded their heads. I stood awkwardly in front of fifty people gathered in an ordered crowd and the only thing I could think about was what to do with my hands. An expectant silence followed Tsunade's congratulatory speech, until I finally realised they were waiting for me to say something.

"Uh, thanks guys," I said, rubbing the back of my head. "Really appreciate it."

One of the elders, a stern wrinkled old woman with piercing grey eyes, stood up and approached me. She cleared her throat in a formal manner. "Now that your name has been cleared of the fear and misunderstanding that once clung to it, you may return to your duties as a shinobi of the Hidden Leaf. There are a great many pressing tasks at hand. Your first priority will be to dismiss a rising army of fierce rebels in the east, which have been terrorising the neighbouring towns and villages for two weeks now. If you are able, please leave tomorrow to quell their uprising."

 _Wait, what?_

"Harikimo!" Tsunade admonished. "Are you seriously going to just fling Kurai back into the field of duty? After everything she's been through?"

"A Jinchuriki such as Naruto has gone through similar life experiences, and yet he still serves our cause. The welfare of the village is his number one priority, as it should be Kurai's. Was this not the entire reason you brought her back? Was it not so that she could be evaluated and passed as fit for duty? She is a shinobi of the Hidden Leaf, Tsunade, and she must pay her dues and carry out her missions like the rest of us."

The shock and fury on Tsunade's face was beginning to affect me. Deep inside me, a dark part of my subconscious reared her ugly head. _"See? What did I tell you? You're nothing to them. Just weapon. A tool. They want to control you..."_

And she was right. Tsunade and the elder continued to argue in raised voices, but I didn't hear them. I was struggling with my own emotions, my own inner fights, trying to find hope in my future. This was it. _Welcome back to the village, sorry for banishing you, well done on controlling your powers, now get back to work._ Is this what my future was going to be like? I didn't sign up for this. I didn't want this. I just want to be left alone. I've seen enough fighting, enough blood, enough death, to last three lifetimes. I don't want anymore, and I don't need the village or anyone in it to tell me what to do.

The arguing continued, and in the corner of my eye I could see Kakashi. He looked... disappointed. And angry. Like he had expected this to happen. _That's right, even Orochimaru warned me this might happen._ I was naive to think these people's opinions of me had changed. Their words were cheap and fortified with false flattery and empty promises. I wanted none of it.

"Enough!" I yelled with such force that caused the whole room to silence. All eyes were on me. I took a deep breath. "I'm leaving, and I'm not coming back."

A thick, heavy atmosphere immediately encompassed the room, weighing down the silence. Tsunade was the one to break it. "What?" she asked in a small voice that didn't sound like hers.

"I said, I'm leaving and I'm not coming back!" I yelled, angry by their reactions.

"You cannot do that!" The elder called Harikimo piped up, her nostrils flaring. "You have a duty to this village and you must-"

"I don't owe you people anything," I spat. "You hear me? Nothing. I owe you _nothing_."

"Kurai, think about what you're saying," Kakashi said, stepping forward. "If you leave, you'll be classified as a rogue ninja. Do you really want that kind of life?"

My eyes blazed at him. "My name has been cleared. I'll leave this village a free shinobi and I'll go where I please and live whatever kind of life I want. If any of you think that my status will change just because I don't belong to a village then I dare you to try and convince me of that. If any of you are stupid enough to get in my way, then what happens to you is your own fault."

I gave the room one last icy glare before turning on my heels and striding out. Nobody stopped me. I was furious, and I'm sure my anger visibly resonated around me like a warning aura. I picked up my pace once I was outside and sprinted to the village gate, where the guards gave me one look before letting me out. I carried on, running and jumping through the trees in the rough direction of Orochimaru's hideout. I didn't look back once.

 _Stupid, stupid people,_ I thought. _Forgive me, Tsunade._

I steadied my pace, believing there was no rush to leaving the village, until a kunai flung past my face, slicing deep into my left cheek. I spun around, meeting the eyes of six ANBU on my tail. "I'm on your side, idiots! What are you doing?" I yelled. They ignored me.

I leaped to the ground, pulling out a kunai of my own and darting evasively between trees while I activated my Kekkei Genkei. The golden chakra armour appeared and my speed dramatically increased. I felt fifty pounds lighter and unhindered by gravity, with the strength of a hundred shinobi backing me up. I hadn't used my Kekkei Genkei for almost a month, and boy did I miss the way it felt. Except this time it felt slightly different. Instead of an icy cold feeling that usually penetrated me to the bone, my armour was warm. My chakra, too, felt different.

"Careful!" One of the ANBU shouted. "She's activated her Kekkei Genkei! Don't get too close, she's extremely dangerous and can't be trusted! Take her down!"

That was it... the last push needed before my cool, calm control snapped and the rage encased me. Suddenly, my armour turned icy cold as the warmth seeped out of it. I turned on the ANBU, my eyes blazing with murderous intent and I unleashed all my fury on them. How dare they... How dare they do this to me! They'll pay for this... I'll make them pay... They'll fear me so much after this that they'll never think of attacking me again. I watched as one ANBU after another was shredded before my eyes. I felt like an innocent observer, trapped inside my own body while my hands tore through flesh and bone, scattering limps and pieces of limbs all over the forest floor, which quickly became a giant pool of blood. Their screams echoed in my ears, and for a brief and terrifying moment I forgot what I was even doing. Who was screaming? What's going on? Why are my hands covered in blood? Where am I?

 _Who am I?_


	12. Chapter 12

_Author's Note: Read & Review :)_

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto._

Kurai's POV

"Kurai! Kurai!"

A voice was calling to me, calling my name. It was deep, very masculine, and sounded urgent. I opened my eyes, curious to see what all the fuss was about, and I met with a pair of golden ones. Gosh, what beautiful eyes, but why is he leaning over me? Black silky hair hung on either side of my face, and a pair of pale, strong hands held my head.

"Kurai! Snap out of it!" the voice hissed. _What's his problem?_

I irritably slapped away the man's hands, making him frown at me in deep confusion. "Get off of me," I muttered, pushing myself off the floor. My hands sunk into the earth as though I was lying in a swamp, and I looked around me. Blood. Everywhere. And pieces of what used to be shinobi. My eyes widened. Did I do this? Surely not... Why would I do this? My frightened gaze slowly crept upwards to the man standing over me. Did he do this? He certainly looked capable of it. There was something in his eyes that screamed 'dangerous'.

"Get away from me!" I shrieked, crawling backwards away from the man. He stood wide-eyed and gaping like a fish before he spoke again. "Kurai, it's me! Orochimaru! What happened here? Did you do this? Did you lose control?"

"No! This wasn't me! You must have done this! Don't come near me!"

I backed away from him, feeling in my back pouch for a kunai or a shuriken. There was none. I looked around me and tried to locate one, but the man – Orochimaru – distracted me. "Kurai, what did they do to you?" His voice was softer this time, careful, gentle. His voice tugged at my memory and I wondered if I knew him. But I didn't remember him. He could be playing me; lots of people know my name. This was a trick, a game.

"Who are _they_?" I asked, my voice guarded.

Orochimaru's eyes widened more, as if that was possible at the moment. He seemed racked with confusion. "You don't remember? You went to the Hidden Leaf with Tsunade. Today was the day the elders would decide if you were safe to return to the field, as a shinobi. Something obviously happened... What is the last thing you remember?"

The last thing I remember? Blood. Lots of it. I looked at my hands which were caked in the stuff. _That_ looked familiar, at least. Orochimaru was watching me intently, and he seemed to recognise the answer in my actions. "Blood," he stated, but there was something sad about the way he said it. A flash of pain crossed his eyes, but it was gone before I could fully register it. He took a cautious step closer to me, now only about five meters away, and I didn't back away. This man knew me – _knows_ me – and I feel, deep down, that I know him too. I just can't remember...

"You don't have to fear me," he said softly. "You're much stronger than me. You could easily kill me, but you won't, because we're friends. I won't hurt you, and you won't hurt me. What happened in the Village of the Hidden Leaf can stay hidden there. It doesn't matter. It doesn't define you. This-" he gestured to the shredded corpses "-doesn't define you. Come back with me. Come home."

He was in front of me now, looking down at me so intensely I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. I was captivated by his eyes, paralyzed by his words, and tempted by his offer. Home? I have a home? With him? Where else do I have to go?

He held out his hand to me. "Come," he said, and I let him lead me away. Far away – from here, from the village, from my uncertain past and my blood-filled memories. If there was a way out of the mess that was my Life, this man could help me find it.

Tsunade's POV

It's been six months since I last saw Kurai. After what the elders did to her I'm not surprised she hasn't returned. I wouldn't either. They betrayed her trust, throwing a collar of duty onto her the minute she was declared "safe" and "fit for fieldwork." They treated her like some prize they had finally claimed, some trophy they could finally flaunt in front of the other villages. Despicable.

I poured another cup of sake and tilted my head back, allowing the burning liquid to warm my insides. It was my second bottle, and I was definitely feeling the effects. I was vaguely aware of Kakashi standing there, watching me with a concerned look in his eye.

"What do you want?" I muttered, pouring another cup. He sat down opposite me in the small booth.

"You okay?" he asked.

I gave him a look that said 'no' but nodded my head. "Just fine. Couldn't be better. Any news of Kurai?" We had been searching for her since the day she left. The elders may or may not have been aware of it, but to hell with them. Naruto kept his mouth shut about our activities and betrayed nothing of what we were doing. It was a private and personal affair that had nothing to do with the elders. This was between me and Kurai. I was the one who brought her in, and I was the one who let her get hurt. The responsibility hung heavily on my shoulders.

Kakashi sighed and shook his head. "Nothing. Nobody's heard or seen anything. No news of Orochimaru either. All his hideouts are empty and abandoned. They must have gone elsewhere."

Orochimaru. From what Kurai had told me of him during her four week trail-stay, the two of them seemed to get along quite well. It was a surprise to hear how well he treated her. Almost like a friend. No, more than a friend. Like he would do anything for her. What I wouldn't have given for him to treat me like that when we were younger, but he never seemed to notice me. I gave up trying after a while. Life will do that to you, and once he had firmly planted both his feet in the dark side, I lost all interest. But my interest has been re-piqued because of Kurai. If Orochimaru hurt her in any way, I'll beat him black and blue. I scowled irritably at the thought and downed the cup of sake.

"Tsunade," Kakashi said, "what do you want to do?"

"Sit here and drink sake until I forget my life," I responded dryly. To hell with Orochimaru. To hell with the Leaf. To hell with the elders. I poured another cup, silently toasting my demise and slurping it down. My cheeks were flushed from the alcohol, and dared not get up just yet, unless I planned on using Kakashi as my personal crutch. I imagined it and smiled, but my expression darkened. "Kurai doesn't want to be found," I whispered.

Kakashi looked at me. "I don't trust Orochimaru with her. He's realised her potential and he won't hesitate to train her and weaponise her. What if he uses the Curse Mark on her? Experiments on her? Defiles her? We cannot risk that happening. We owe it to Kurai. If we find her and she refuses to come willingly then we'll leave her be. But I can't sleep soundly at night knowing she's out there with _him_."

"You're letting this get personal," I responded. "Kurai is ten times stronger than Orochimaru, but only in her Kekkei Genkei form. Without it, I'd say she's on equal footing with him. But he's older, more experienced and doesn't fight fairly. Kurai still retains much of her honour when it comes to fighting, and she doesn't like to cheat. If the enemy surrenders, she lets them go. If they attack, she defends herself until she's forced to kill them. That's the real Kurai. But..." I paused, staring at my murky reflection in the sake cup. "...when she loses control, the rules no longer apply to her."

Kakashi didn't seem convinced, so I told him what he wanted to hear. "Orochimaru is many things, but a defiler of innocent women like Kurai is not one of them," I told him sternly. "He's actually never expressed any genuine interest in women, as far as I can remember. He's driven and ambitious, too much so for his own good. I think he views women as a distraction. Something that will just get in his way or slow him down. But I don't know if he feels the same way about Kurai. He's... different with her. She brings out a side to him that I haven't seen since we were kids."

"So the two of them are out there somewhere, bringing out the best in each other and up to no mischief whatsoever?" Kakashi asked, his eyebrow raised in sarcastic disbelief.

"Kakashi, nothing you say is going to make me change my mind about this. Kurai wants to be left alone. So I'm going to leave her alone. That's that. If you want to search for her then you'll have to do so on your own, but you may not make it your first priority."

I gave him a long and serious look, until he finally sighed and nodded. "Good," I said, standing up on wobbly legs and stumbling towards the bathroom for what seemed like the tenth time tonight. Damn sake, and damn Kakashi. Why does he have to be so honourable? But deep down I couldn't deny the hope fluttering in my heart. I really hope he finds her.


	13. Chapter 13

_Author's Note:_ At last … an update. I know it's been years (feels like it), but I hope you remember me :'( Anyways, here's Chapter 13 – hope you enjoy.

 _Disclaimer:_ Regrettably, I am not the mastermind behind Naruto.

Kurai's POV

It had been six months six Orochimaru found me. He claimed it was for the second time, but I didn't remember the first, so I wasn't sure if I believed him. In his defense, he proved beyond a doubt that he knew me well enough to support the fact that we had spent a lot of time together. Bits and pieces of memories returned to me, but they were just fragments. It was difficult to piece them together, and it frustrated me so much I stopped trying.

I decided instead to sleep with one eye open, but try my utmost to trust this man. He never made a move to attack me, never lied to me, never manipulated me, and certainly never crept into my room in the middle of the night to try anything funny with me. That had to say something about his character, right? I thought back to the many enemies I had fought in my past. They were so numerous I couldn't remember them all. I thought also of my comrades, but they were even more difficult to remember. There was definitely a girl I knew... I think she had blonde hair and brown eyes. The outline of her face lingered in my mind for just a moment and then vanished. Perhaps she had died a long time ago...

Orochimaru and I trained together for six months straight. It was slow going at first, and I was very nervous and wary when sparring with him, but after the first few times it felt so natural that I even looked forward to it. He kept challenging me though, throwing in a few forbidden jutsus that completely threw me off my game and seeing how I handled them. I surprised myself again and again when I did, and Orochimaru was slowly running out of tricks up his sleeve. Without my Kekkei Genkei I battled to hold my own against him. He was immensely skilled, strong and fast. He just kept coming at me and sometimes I just wasn't fast enough to dodge his attacks. But with my Kekkei Genkei activated I could relax and take my time with him if I wanted.

The upside of fighting both ways – with and without my Kekkei Genkei – is that my skill without it increased, and I found that I could fight for longer and longer periods against the Legendary Snake Sannin. Another advantage is that Orochimaru was able to fight longer against my Kekkei Genkei form as well. We were both mutually benefiting each other, and it felt good. We were becoming comrades – again, according to Orochimaru, but for me it felt like the first time.

After a particularly intense training session, both Orochimaru and I were hunched over our knees and heaving in air. Sweat dropped from my brow, and my knees were shaking. We were both spent, but neither of us wanted to be the first to say "I'm done". We were both stubborn, both thinking we could go just a little bit longer and tire the other one out. I looked up and Orochimaru's golden eyes were focused on mine, trying to predict what I would do. I kept him guessing, but the reality was that I could barely manage to stay standing, let alone keep a hold on my kunai.

"Ready to give up yet, old man?" I taunted him, using the last of my energy to sum up a smirk.

He replied in kind, and I hoped his energy was also depleted, because I was seconds away from falling to my knees in utter defeat. "Ready when you are," he said, but I didn't miss the effort it took for him to say that. He was out of breath and his chakra reserves were as low as mine. If we pushed each other any further things could get truly life threatening.

"Shall we both agree to call it quits?" I suggested. Orochimaru smiled, closing his eyes as though about to fall asleep on the spot, before he nodded. And that was as much as I needed – a small smile graced my dry and cracked lips and I collapsed face first on the floor, welcoming the black void that infiltrated my mind and stole my consciousness.

When I came to, my body was ravaged with the familiar aches and pains of an intense training session. It was a good kind of pain – possibly the best kind – but along with that satisfying pain came the rude realisation that I needed a shower. I woke up in my room, as I did every time. Orochimaru brought me here whenever I passed out, and I was always grateful.

As the hot water cascaded over me, washing away my sweat and blood and soothing my torn muscles, I reminisced over my life. I remembered most of my distant past, but barely, as though I had never really paid any attention to details. How many people do you pass every day, and at the end of the day you struggle to remember what any of them looked like? That's how it felt. Even if I was formally introduced to each of them, their names and faces would have been forgotten within minutes.

There was a distinct and substantial gap in my memories though, which Orochimaru explained was due to trauma during my time at the Hidden Leaf. I'm not sure if I believed him, or if he was right, but I was still waiting for this meaningful purpose to living that he had promised me time and time again. Why did we train every day? What was the point of it all? How long would this continue for?

I turned off the water, dried myself and threw on a robe, then stormed out the bathroom in search of the Snake Sannin. Yes, he was my friend, my comrade in arms, my room-mate, my caretaker. But he was also the guy who foolishly promised me something I hold very dear to my heart – a purpose in Life. There was no more time for training. If I spent another day following this same routine I might quickly lose my mind here. I needed something to work towards – a goal, a reason, anything. And I needed it right now.

"Orochimaru!" I yelled, knocking furiously on his bedroom door. I could hear a shuffling behind it, then heavy footsteps before he opened for me. His eyes widened noticeably when he took in my scantily-clad appearance. My hair was still wet and water droplets slid down my chest and back underneath the kimono-style bathrobe. Other than that, I had nothing on. I was not embarrassed or ashamed, after all, I had been in a hurry. I figured the air would dry the rest.

"Kurai, please put some clothes on," Orochimaru said, averting his eyes from me.

"No time," I said, briskly brushing past him and making myself comfortable on the edge of his bed. "We need to talk."

He still wouldn't look at me, or face me for that matter, but kept his body turned sideways as though he were talking to the wall with his eyes firmly shut.

"I'd be much more use to you if you were fully dressed."

"You're the Legendary Snake Sannin. You're of use to me no matter how I'm dressed. What I wear does not affect your brilliant mind, Orochimaru."

"You'd be surprised..." He said it so quietly I didn't think he meant me to hear it, but I heard.

"Oh..." I said, with a grin of mischief on my face. I quickly stood up and sauntered over to Orochimaru, standing directly in front of him – an inch between us – and whispered in the most sultry voice I could muster. "Orochimaru, I need you... Why won't you help me?"

This provoked him to at least open his eyes, but his body remained stock-still, and I wondered if he had silently cast some sort of paralysis justu over it. I would have been impressed, and flattered.

"Enough fooling around, Kurai," he said, trying to keep his eyes from wandering. "What do you need?"

"Me? Fooling around? Isn't that what we've been doing for the past six months? When am I going to leave this place and take on that purpose you promised me you'd find? Or have you not found it yet? Do you need more time? Perhaps another six months-"

"I have found it."

His words shocked me for just a moment. Why hadn't he told me sooner? Surely he could not have just discovered my purpose today, or this morning, or after our training session. How long had he kept this to himself? In a moment of anger, I grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and shook him. "Then tell me! What is it? What must I do?"

"You won't like it at first, and it's rather long-term. But I think it will grow on you after a while. You will see."

"TELL ME!"

The Snake Sannin smiled, releasing his shoulders from my firm grip and holding both my hands with his. He looked me deep in the eyes for what seemed like an eternity, but could also have been five seconds. At last, he spoke.

"You must go to war, Kurai."


End file.
